I have typed a million zingers and deleted most of them.

I realize now that your narrative requires you to see me as the enemy. Forever the enemy because you said I'm just an asshole, a liar, a heroin addict, greedy, "fake news," and all those undocumented allegations that i "harassed" cops.

I was jaded.

I believed in your oath and I believed that you believed in that oath.

Remove the shooting and the bottom line remains the same; your betrayal hurt.

It hurts more than a .40 cal hallow point to the ribs and left far deeper mental scars.

I have lost friends, jobs, business, literally everything at 38 in my pursuit of justice. My children hate me. My wife doesn't know me. I am in professional therapy but refuse medication for anger when anger is a perfectly natural response to this magnitude of betrayal.

I'm not okay. I am a shell, hollowed out but for the anger. I am lost and alone in a constant repetition of traumas.

The lawsuit was for what you took away from my family.

All I asked for was an apology.